Typical Lebanese...





The Creation of Lebanon

On the sixth day God turned to the Angels and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Lebanon. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of snow, beautifully sparkly rivers cutting through forests full of all kind of trees, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich to make the inhabitants prosper. I shall call these inhabitants Lebanese, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on Earth"
"But Lord," asked the Angels, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Lebanese? Isn't it unfair for the rest of the world?"
"Not really," replied God. "Just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."



Some Lebanese are fake, that is how to be one of them ;-)

  • Must have a 2003 model car, not any car, but BMWs, Mercedes, Jags, Porsche... amongst others.
  • Go to the movies on Mondays or Wednesdays, we pay 5000 LP on those days, we economize 5000 LP ($3.5) that we add to the $150 to go to Alecco's or Mandaloun on weekends!
  • If you cannot make it to Paris, shopping in Kaslik or Verdun is a must, even if you go to Akil Bros.!!
  • Faraya or Fakra in Winter time and ATCL or Riviera in Summer time, you do not have to now how to ski you can always do the "bronzage" (Tan); swimming is out of the records too....who will look at you if you look like wet rat?? Finally, make sure you change 6 outfits and 5 bathing suits during the day.
  • A mobile is essential, having two cell lines will boost your moral too... preferably and in order to be more civilized and well rounded, buy a "Clic or Premiere" in order to be connected internationally!
  • Silicon your tits, lips and behind.... If you did not get a nose job yet?? Yiii....where the hell do you live? you're not civilized and up to fashion get out of here!
  • Forget about McDonald's now, the King of Burgers is in town!!! "Burger King"! Always follow the crowd, wherever they go you follow even if you have to stand in long lines.
  • Do not buy "Snob", "Mondanite", "Special", "Prestige" ..read them at the "Monot" or "Casper & Gambini"!The atmosphere there is very intellectual especially if you are wearing Armani, Prada, Escada or Faconnable...
  • You have to use only one word in Arabic in each sentence, just to make you feel safe that after all you are a Phoenician NOT an Arab!!!
  • Forget about the local TV networks. You have to have all the cable channels on your TV set...
  • Do not drink coffee or Nescafe at home (Very Boring)....go to "Cafe Najjar", "StarBucks" or any cafe... for your convenience, we have one at the end of each street, where you can enjoy being stared at and staring at other people.
  • Be a SNOB, IGNORE PEOPLE, BE AGGRESSIVE......The more arrogant and snobbish the classier and better.
  • Last but not least, always judge people by how much money they have or more precisely, how much his/her family is worth.



Top 14 List Why It's GREAT To Be A Lebanese

14. They are the best bulls hitters.
13. Ski in the winter, swim in the summer, get stuck in traffic all year round!!!...
12. We get to have a civil war once every 30 years, just in time when it gets boring.
11. We are everything: Lebanese? Arab? Phoenician? Greek? Martian?
10. Who Says Beverly Hills is expensive? We have Kaslik, Verdun and Solidere.
9. Officially -------> "Old Mercedes Retirement Home".
8. Tabbouli! Hummos! Baba Ghannouj! Oh...
7. Abou El - Abed jokes.
6. We do not love all our neighbors, but they love us.
5. Cell Phones 'R' Us!!!
4. Phrases like " To2borneh Inshallah ", " Shou fi ma fi " and " Hi...Kifak?... Ca Vas?" "Marhaba".
3. Honest politicians (Oxymoron).
2. We love to live. We live to love.
the # 1 reason Why It's GREAT To Be A Lebanese:
1. 68 religions, 3 languages, 2 forms of currency and 1 great people!



You live in Beirut when:


1. You can't speak in just one language for more than two sentences straight.
2. You know people by their cars...
3. The guy who polishes your shoes for 250 lira (16 cents) has a brand new state of the art cell phone.
4. You can't get a job because you're not Syrian, Filipino, Sri Lankan, or Egyptian.
5. You have family members in at least three other continents.
6. During the World Cup, you forget what country you're in because of all the Brazilian, German, French, and Italian flags hanging on people's cars, balconies, and over the street.
7. The driver in front of you has a "Michael Schumacher" sticker on his rear window.




Ten reasons the hijackers were not Lebanese

10. 8:45 AM is too early for most Lebanese to wake up.
09. Lebanese are always late, they would've missed all 4 flights.
08. The attendants on the planes would be a distraction.
07. Once in the air, they would have changed their mind.
06. Free food and drinks on the plane would have displaced their focus.
05. The suspected car found outside of the Airport would not be a Ford,but a BMW with chrome wheels.
04. They would never have agreed on whom would fly the plane.
03. Everyone would have wanted to be the boss, which would have started a big fight on the plane.
02. Their mothers would have told them to be home for dinner at 8 pm.
01. Most importantly, months before doing it, they would have already told everyone about it.



Driving Habits
  • One hand on wheel, one hand out of window: Chicago.
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York.
  • One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
  • Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
  • Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
  • One hand on horn, one hand greeting, one ear on cell phone, one ear listening to loud music, foot on accelerator, eyes on female pedestrians, conversation with someone in next car: Welcome to Lebanon!



A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks what they do there. He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Lebanese hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks: "What do they do here?"
He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Lebanese devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells- why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because there is never any electricity, so the electric chair does not work; someone stole all the nails, and the devil used to be a government employee, so he comes in, punches his time-card and then goes back home..."





[Home] [Lebanon] [S Leb] [To My..] [RedCross] [Medicine] [Fun] [W.A.P.P] [Links] [I am..] [Photos] [Misc] [GuestBook]

Safir©